IN ANSWER TO AN ATTACK ON OUTDATED LAWS IN THE BIBLE (The Battle of the Bards)

Rebecca Rose in her poetry site mocks the morality of the bible seizing upon the outdated laws in Leviticus and similiar books.  She gives me permission to print her poem (the first part) which I follow with my answer.   If you want a challenge why not offer a comment in verse.

FIRST REBECCA’S POEM

The Bible Makes You Better?

So atheists have no morals ‘cause we don’t believe in god,
But the Bible gives you morals? I find that rather odd.

God declared to Abraham, “Go kill your only son.” (Genesis 22:2)
In the end, he didn’t have to; but what would you have done?
All kids who “curse their parents” should now be put to death, (Leviticus 20:9)
Plus kill all Sunday workers! (Will anyone be left?)  (Exodus 35:2)
If you rape a virgin, marry her! Then everything is great. (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)
Says God: “Kill men and women; the virgins you can rape.” (Numbers 31:17-18)
A brother rapes his sister; a father tells the crowd, (2 Samuel 13:11-14)
“Gang-rape my virgin daughter!” This Bible makes you proud? (Judges 19:22-24)

God slaughters every firstborn in a fearsome show of might, (Exodus 12:29-30)
Atheists are horrified – hey God! That wasn’t right!
The Bible’s full of murder – did God forget it’s wrong? (1 Chronicles 21:14, Deuteronomy 3:3-7)
Dead women, children, animals – the bloody list goes on.  (2 Kings 10:25, Joshua 6:20-21, Numbers 15:35-36, Deuteronomy 20:16-17, Psalms 137:9, Deuteronomy 13:15-16, Joshua 11:21-22, Ezekiel 9:5-7, Hosea 13:16)

The Bible talks ‘bout buying slaves, just like we buy our bread. (Leviticus 25:44-46)
I wonder why it didn’t say that slavery’s wrong, instead?
Oh here’s a moral teaching! To kill your slave’s a crime. (Exodus 21:20)
But beat him so he’s down for days? Well, that’s completely fine.  (Exodus 21:21)   (and some more of the same……..)

NOW MY REPLY

Oh Gosh and Oh woe
You strike a low blow
You find that our Good Book is flawed
You’ll tell us all next
All knowledge is hexed
’Cos it too is not from the Lord.

Way back at year dot
They knew not a lot
Science was really a mess
The Earth was quite flat
On a turtle it sat
’bout bugs they knew even less

I guess that your mind
Now has twitched up its blind
Now you see further than then
But can you not see
That might go for me
My faith is not stuck way back when

But by all means, you flail
And stomp on that whale
’Cos Jonah might be a tall tale
But leave me to find
My own peace of mind
In my tentative search for my grail

(As is befitting: only comments in verse will be accepted for this post.)

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This entry was posted in Humour, Liberal Christianity blog, Moral Issues, Perspectives of God and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to IN ANSWER TO AN ATTACK ON OUTDATED LAWS IN THE BIBLE (The Battle of the Bards)

  1. Judi says:

    Thou doth protest too much.
    Thine allies and foes are clear.
    Upon the truth refuse to touch,
    and God refuse to fear.

  2. Rebecca Rose says:

    I’m not a Believer; you are, and that’s fine.
    You follow your heart, and I’ll follow mine.
    Both strive to be moral, be the best we can be.
    Just please do not say you’re more moral than me.

  3. peddiebill says:

    Higglety pigglety
    Atheist Rose
    Moral she is
    to the tip of her toes

    I’m sure that Rebecca
    Is gooder than me
    But profligate sinners
    Have more fun you see!

  4. Rebecca Rose says:

    Bill, you’re so perceptive!
    All you say is true!
    I think you must be jealous
    Of the things I get to do.

    Here’s a happy compromise
    To help you with your plight:
    Be a Christian in the daytime
    And an atheist at night! 😉

  5. peddiebill says:

    My word that is audacious
    Really good it sounds
    You’re very perspicacious
    Potential now abounds

    Only one wee problem
    and that is after tea
    Will I need to pull the blinds
    In case the church folk see?

  6. Rebecca Rose says:

    Bill, have you gone crazy?
    Don’t block that first-rate view!
    Let them have their post-tea show
    And learn a trick or two!

    But beware the angry preacher.
    He’ll be well and truly pissed
    To find his congregation’s now
    All eager atheists! 🙂

    • Bill Peddie says:

      I fear you’ve missed the point again
      (Just like you always do)
      There is a tiny catch to this
      Might land me in the pooh

      If Sigmund Freud were charging
      This case would not be free
      You see, the angry preacher
      Is actually me!

  7. Rebecca Rose says:

    Oh dear, I always do this.
    My foot is in my mouth.
    Let me please just dig a hole
    And stick my head way south.

    But wait, upon reflection
    (‘Cause that’s what atheists do),
    Maybe you should join your flock
    And be an atheist too!

    Think of all the fun you’d have!
    New sins of every kind!
    Come on, preacher, join the club,
    I don’t think God would mind. 😉

    • peddiebill says:

      You dont think God would mind indeed!
      You said he wasnt there!
      Your knowing what He thinks of me
      Is therefore hardly fair

      Is this a hint your inner wish
      Our Church you want to join
      Just sign upon the dotted line
      Wont even cost a coin

      So when you feel ready
      No need to feel sad
      As a sinner you will qualify
      We even take the bad

      I have a weekend special
      Absolution thrown in
      Close your eyes and pray a bit
      Then you wont see my grin

      Two Four Six Eight – time to transubstantiate!

  8. Rebecca Rose says:

    I’m crushed! I’m disappointed!
    I’m heartsick, I admit.
    I truly thought that atheism
    And you would be a hit.

    Alas, I am mistaken.
    I sadly head for home.
    Tend your flock, my preacher friend,
    And I’ll sin on my own.

    Perhaps you’ll want to pray for me,
    And frankly that is fine.
    (Though as a friend, I’ll say to you
    I fear it wastes your time.)

    But we can still be partners!
    (Already I’m less blue.)
    If you can gladly pray for me,
    I’ll gladly sin for you!

    So both of us are happy.
    You pray, and I’ll have fun.
    I really hate to say it but
    I think God’s will’s been done! 😉

    • peddiebill says:

      Oh Jezebel Rebecca
      Be still my beating heart
      Besides the wife has seen your post
      Therefore our ways must part

      I guess I should be grateful
      Cos if we had let you in
      You’d be heckling every sermon
      And you’d lead my flock to sin

      It’s not so much they’re perfect
      More like they’re bloody old
      You’d fuse the men’s pacemakers
      If you made the ladies bold

      I have this frightening vision
      Of capers after dark
      Burnouts with the zimmer frames
      Collisions in the park

      Fumblings in the shrubbery
      Tangling of false teeth
      You can’t Can Can with oldies
      It’s chilly on the heath

      So I guess that you on balance
      Should just leave us all to pray
      That you, the scarlet woman
      Will not have your wicked way

      A space will make you a……..theist
      Space is what you need
      So just before ignition
      We will wish for you Godspeed

  9. Pingback: The Battle of the Bards! « Rebecca Rose Poetry

  10. Rebecca Rose says:

    I knew this day was coming;
    I knew it from the start.
    I’ve so enjoyed our sparring,
    But agreed, it’s time to part.

    I wish you every happiness!
    With sincerity I end:
    It’s an honor and a privilege, Bill,
    To count you as a friend.

    Take care!

  11. My Gosh!

    It was so beautiful and fun to follow,
    How Rebecca and Bill play with each other,
    What a gay atmosphere they’ve made together,
    Be good, be cool, be moral in feast and sorrow!

    Regardless your religion and faith. XD

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